My Spiritual Roots

So I suppose my roots look like prairie grasses. They have been thin from time to time but they do go deep. My roots have survived devastating droughts a few times, but still remain and are stronger than ever at the moment. 

I accepted Jesus into my heart at an Al Denson concert at the Mabee Center in Tulsa Oklahoma in 1993. 

Now, before this, as a child, I had attended VBS during the summer visits to my dad's house, but we did not attend church. We were also CEO Catholic under my stepdad's roof, but only enough to know when it was time to kneel and stand. But I have no memories of this past maybe 4th or 5th grade. 

I had no foundation in faith until I was a teenager invited along to a concert in the big city an hour away and we were going for dinner beforehand. I went to church off and on with a friend for the next four of years. I joined the youth praise band and we even traveled during the summer to sing at camps and retreats. In 1996, just before the summer of my junior year, I was baptized into the Wesleyan church. My sister was baptized the same day but our family was not in attendance for this. 

In the summer of 1996, my mom moved us across the state to the big city, and I so I was church-hopping to find the right one. My pastor told me that I needed to get into a church right away. "No decay" he said. 

One church I attended was a more...charismatic church than I was previously used to. I was led into a room where I was taught to speak in tongues after the service. I was quite freaked out by the whole experience. My Pastor from my hometown alluded to the fact that speaking in tongues was not a common practice anymore and that it was a spiritual gift that sort of ceased to be offered??? I don't know because I didn't care enough to ask but this whole building was doing it so I left and never looked back. I'm not sure my sister even got started. We were officially religiously DOA in the big city. 

From 17-24 was a desert. Philosophy was more of my religion now and psychology and just general knowledge.  I knew enough of the Bible to make myself presentable to others or to spar with it out of context. But I was also studying the other religions too.  I was formulating my own version of what a divine being must be like based on the qualities of all of the heads of religions. I imagined it was one god, but he was eclectic. That's when I met Travis Barnes my next-door neighbor/boyfriend/future husband and pretty knowledgeable Christian. Trav read commentaries on books of the Bible and companion books and books on people seeking Jesus and within no time I was back to attending Sunday morning church. 

24-42 We church-hopped until we landed at a local Baptist church. We loved this church, honestly I still love most of the people there. Our kids were hooked up there. We had friends there. We were involved in classes and led ministries there. Our growth in Jesus was there. My husband and I both became ministry leaders in the church. I was the Media Director, I was on the praise band, and I was part of a three-person team that oversaw the Youth praise band. Both of my kids served on the media team and my husband was running the Celebrate Recovery ministry. We were being the hands and feet of Jesus for our community.

People can really get muddled up in doing the Lord's work and forget to worship the Lord. The church was going through its second split since we started attending in 11 short years and it all seemed to be over preference. Preference of music, lights, the color of seat cushions, and personal preference on how THEY can and cannot worship God. Being on staff, I felt like part of this problem so I quit my job as Media Director and then within 5 months, We left that church. 

Trav (my husband, briefly introduced in post one) had written on our whiteboard in the office, his own quest for simplification the timeline of the church. This visual was about 3 feet wide with the church and other historical markers on it for reference. We started at this timeline for weeks.

We were attending nowhere. Easter Season was upon us. It was a Thursday evening and out of nowhere Trav asked if I wanted to go do this thing called Adoration at the Catholic church. I was a bit dumbfounded because Catholicism seemed a bit sacrilegious. But I could have a conversation with the God I know anywhere so I said sure, why not? I knew that this would have been the evening that Jesus washed feet, and prepared the last supper for the Apostles. I went into this room where maybe 50 other people were also sitting so quietly and I prayed. God, what am I supposed to do? God, how can I glorify you? God, my kids and I are not in church anywhere, where do YOU want us? My peace that evening was unmatched. UNMATCHED. I don't know that it was a sign but maybe an alarm clock to wake up. 

There is SOOO MUCH, for the sake of time, that I am glazing over and I will eventually get to it if you stick around and keep reading. But, seeing the timeline of the church and how much division there has been after the year 1540 when we began an RCIA bootcamp. Why? Exhaustion maybe of not attending, but also, there was that peace. I told poor Deacon Tim that he was in for it and that I needed answers to burning questions...why do you pray to Mary and the Saints? Why are there idols everywhere? Why do you need the Pope if you have a Bible? 

I will also get to these answers with future blog posts, but after 12 weeks of one-on-ones with Deacon Tim and all the while attending Catholic mass, we were in. We were on the path to conversion and confirmation. In Oct of 2022, we were confirmed in the Catholic church. 

Catholic to Catholic...When I say colors are more colorful and that there are things that just make more sense now you're like, well, duh!. 

But my protestant friends, I don't know how to explain it. It simply is more colorful, more rich to taste, and so much deeper than I have ever experienced. I pray doubters will stick around to hear more. And I pray that Catholics will comment and help confirm what I am saying. 

Someday I wish to be a tall Oak.